Upset

I think I broke records previous week for numbers of hours worked in one week for my current company. Now that we are both fully homeworking and children back in school ...and at work high season started with a big boom (luxury problem, we already made up for the entire Corona dip) with a backlog piling up, it is very tempting to just work a little more until dinner is served and to finish a couple of mails after the boys are in bed.   Just before vacation period, I had a meeting marathon (6-9h per day).

Needless to say I needed the weekend.  
And yet I could sit still so I sort of launched myself last minute painting job.  It usually is good to get my mind of things.  But this time it didn't.  I felt upset. 

When the pandemic arrived in Europe, I was afraid as I didn't know what was happening. Everything changed so quickly.  But once we were all home with the four of us in our little family, I gained confidence and calmness again.  We were safe, we could spend time with just the 4 of us, I could limit my social contacts to digital contacts and some across the street chats if needed. 
I was afraid that the lockdown was lifted too quickly and everyone wanted to pick up their old habits too soon but so far so good in Belgium (although our progress seems to stagnate).  But since I wasn't planning to do a lot of mass events anyway (concerts, culture, ...) , my life is returning to almost normal quickly.

But this week I was upset by the news that the US bought the entire stock until November of the first medicine that seems approved to impact treatment of Covid-19 patients.  It shows ruthlessness, egoism and capitalism is at play in this pandemic and doesn't promise for future medication and vaccinations. While I gained confidence through the lockdown that we can do this, and if needed once more and once more for a while, I do count down to some point in the future in half a year- one year or one and a half year or so when medication comes to our new normal and fixes it again.   But the thought that maybe power games in the world will ensure we do not get access to these, puts a stone in my stomac. 

And then this weekend I made the mistake to read the testimonies on the care centers for the elderly during the lockdown and how they went through hell unprepared.  While other countries like the US are still going through the storm, we are starting to look backward to learn but the image of what we see behind us is very grim. While I was amusing myself with puzzles, truly horrific stories were happening in the care centers. Reading the testimonies opened up some scars that I gathered previous year when dealing with my father's disease, his clear decline, the decisions we had to make in doubt, the trust we had to lay in other people's hand for care despite worries. It was already so clear last year that our care centers are understaffed and people don't get the attention and time they need, before Covid.  Despite the hard work of some dedicated people.  No wonder chaos broke lose when the pandemic arrived and no wonder the visit prohibition also worked as a way to hide what was happening. 
The news is haunting me. Dementia is haunting me.  International stupid leadership is haunting me.

In the midst of recuperating of a busy week, seeking distraction and satisfaction from a freshly renovated staircase hall and long walks, I was upset this weekend. I cried and I'm reflective. 


Comments

yab said…
Ja, die artikels over die rusthuizen waren erg aangrijpend. Ik blijf erbij dat wij als maatschappij onze prioriteiten verkeerd leggen. Waarom niet wat meer geld vrijmaken om oude, hulpbehoevende mensen een waardig levenseinde te geven? Ik ben alleszins blij dat de discussie over de jarenlange onderfinanciering van de zorgsector nu eindelijk gevoerd wordt. Laat ons hopen dat er nu voldoende momentum gecreƫerd is om effectief iets te veranderen.

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