Not according to the planning

In the last week of March, I had scheduled my yearly mammography and ultrasound check-up on a homeworking day. I had planned to squeeze out for an hour or 2 in between meetings - time that I'd catch up later on. 

As usual the waiting time at the hospital radiology section was testing my patience up to the point of high irritation...But finally I was on the bed of the ultrasound. As usual in Gasthuizberg UZ Leuven site, you get examined by specialists that are under supervision of a higher level specialist. So I had to laugh when the specialist walked out to go and check my images with his supervisor, leaving me to wait on the bed with the comment "enjoy your moment".  What? Did you think I was in some sort of spa or so, with that little towel covering me up and ineffectively preventing me from getting cold in this basement room without daylight? 

The supervisor walked back in with the specialist, telling me she wanted to check some things herself. Fine, that's why I like the UZ Leuven: any check has 2 pairs of eyes.  But then she said she had ordered some more 3D images, that she'd send me back to mammography and if I agreed she'd test some things with a needle.

And then it hit me: this is not the planning. She was supposed to tell me everything was alright, that I could get dressed again, and then leave the hospital.  But instead they were staring with 2 at the screen.  And the intersection door to a mammography room next door opened with already an operator waiting for me, as the additional pictures had already been booked & reserved.  

I move puzzled next door, while I hear cryptic commands of what to focus on, what to take and which blow-ups she wants to "see it".  Only when they all leave me and the operator alone, I manage to stumble, "you are looking for something, right?".  "Yeah, they've probably seen some micro-calcifications."
Sure...that word had been announced to my sister 5 years ago and that was the start of not so much fun journey and diagnosis.  Even that went all fine in the end, I got teary-eyed.   I know I have a higher risk of breast cancer and that's why I do get multiple checks per year, but for some naive reason you do expect to walk in and out. 

I was left alone to wait for a moment when the first pictures were sent to the supervisor, so she could instruct with enlargements she wanted.  But the waiting was very short: everyone walked in again together. There were no enlargements needed, since the mammography could not distinguish anything. But she was suspicious about some mm on the ultrasound, so she wanted to do a puncture in my breast to have some cells investigated. 

I got dressed again just to move 2 rooms further again, where immediately the supervisor and some assistant came in to execute the puncture. With some local anesthesia and a device that resembled me most (by the sound) of a staple gun, they worked through 5 sets of cell extraction...while I looked away with some tears running down.  I was supposed to have lunch by now and getting ready for my afternoon meetings.  Instead, I wondered what would be ahead of me in the coming weeks and months.  It might not be as planned. 

After a short nervous break-down when arriving home, I managed to re-establish my calmness.  Anything could come out of this, and it's good they are thorough in checking.  I trusted any worst case scenario would still not be disastrous given the close follow-up I am doing anyhow.  But the possibility of (pre)breast cancer treatments in the coming weeks and months was existing.  And the possibility of good results was still an option too.

A long weekend in the east of Belgium took my mind off things but returning to work the next week while waiting for the phone call with lab results was nerve-wrecking.  I had openly told my team and colleagues my reason from stress, so their support felt great.  

My patience was tested until Tuesday evening, in the midst of a team building workshop, when I got the good news.  My cells are all clear. The tissue seems to be a bit of scar tissue from a cyst. Wow, what a relief. 
But I think I'll go to my next check-ups with more stress and less naivety, and yet also trust they will double-check. (Although hopefully not too often said Jan, if we need to wait each time x days anxiously for some results).