Last homelike evening in Ghent

For as long as possible I have tried to keep my appartment "home". Sometimes to the frustration of Jan I have not yet moved any big visible things to Leuven: my barchairs are still here, my big baskets next to the sofa, the bedside lights, the Matisse posters on the wall, etc...

Don't get me wrong, I did already pack and move things partly out of need (last months I was 85% of the time in Leuven already) such as cosmetics, toiletries and most common clothes, a couple of books, etc... But I already have started to move things I am rarely using here anymore: toaster, mixer, ironing equipment, excess towels, shoe cleaning stuff, the video, .... But they are all things that were hidden inside my cupboards and their disappearance isn't so visible. All the things that make me feel this place like a cosy home are still around, including some clutter and paper piles still here.

Once I start taking away chairs, cosy lights, decorations, CD's and radio, ... I know my appartment will not be "home" anymore. I'll slowly turn it back into a stranger that is alienating from me. And that is not something I am looking forward to. I always had that feeling already when packing up a hotel room or a shared room on a youth camp: even after a brief stay of only 10 days, your clothes and other stuff have unconsciously received a place and have defined the room. A slight feeling of sadness always grows then as the room becomes unpersonally "clean" and empty again because it marks a goodbye of good times.
But I am getting now urgently to that point that I need to make a move. From Friday morning onwards, I have to and I will stuff my car with as much as I can and move it without pitty or regret a 100 km eastwards. Before I do that, I have invited my best friends for a "cooling down" party. I just had to invite them for a last time over in my very own spot. I can't explain that, but I need this kind of goodbye. And I didn't want to do that in an already half stripped appartment. On my first invitation, nobody could come (last tuesday) which disappointed me a lot. Fortunately tomorrow, a couple of friends will be able to hop bye. So that's cool! And good for emptying the freezer a bit more (and maybe some bottles?).

So on my last day-to-day evening here in Ghent, I keep catching myself to think "oh maybe friday I can already stuff those 2 chairs in my car....and the CD's should am I going to pack that vase". The stress is definately coming, the thoughts about the move are always around. So maybe it is not a very normal relaxing evening here anymore either, but still a little bit. I don't know when I'll dismantle this PC in the corner desk of the living room, so I don't know how often I'll still type here. But this is the spot where I started my blog and where I have been chatting with so many of you. Don't worry, in Leuven I don't lack internet or PC access as you've noticed in the last months, so I'll remain online.

Ok, gotta go and pack at least one box tonight if not I am getting stressed here. And I notice I am kinda rambling away without much structure in my head anymore. All kinds of things cross my mind know which I need to remember to do. Aaaah. I wish I could skip the next two weeks.... Or maybe the next 6 weeks (when I hope finally to have the wardrobe and dressing ready to actually unpack the boxes and hopefully create structure in the chaos that will be in Leuven).

Sigh...what a hassle.


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