No record bis
Dear accreditors of the Guinness Book of Records,
May I express my displeasure to the fact that you've already moved my car up your control list by 20 places! It is true that a group of birds has executed last night an evil complot against my shiny car resulting in many "bird decoration marks" on the right hand side. However those do not justify 20 places in my opinion.
Yours sincerely,
Goofball
Comments
We are sorry for your displeasure at the ranking of your car in our "Most Need of a Good Wash" listing. However we would like to point out to you that due to the nice weather in a number of locations across Europe recently, quite a few of our contenders were removed from the ranking due to warm weather-inspired bouts of washing and cleaning. Thus your "20 point" ranking improvement is not entirely attributable to the Avian Scatological Adornment (ADA), although admittedly it did factor into the adjustment.
You will, we hope, be pleased to note that many other cars have also had ADA treatments, again something that can be attributed to the current weather conditions, and if you check the most recent rankings, you will note that you are no longer in our finalist category. We thank you for bringing this matter to our attention and realise that this comes from your true desire to maintain a fair and objective contest.
As we are aware of your strong showing as a competitor due to your long-term and repeated ranking as one of our finalists, we will be continuing to closely monitor your status in the near future, and we feel confident that you will again join their ranks very soon.
And may we offer our sincere congratulations to you on the many inspired methods you have of ensuring your continued participation in this contest.
Sincerely,
Accreditors of the Guinness B.o.R.
@Jen: yes very unpleasant. Especially if you've just cleaned your month for the first time in numerous months!