Guide for renovation idiots

  • Never use tape to protect the things next to the object you want to paint: it's much nicer if you smooth the paint over the edges.

    If anyone after you wants to repaint, they don't need to bother taping things off anymore either since there's already paint stains . They'll be very grateful to you.

  • Decorate all walls and ceilings and hey, why not cupboard sides as well with styrofoam tiles.
    If you are a heavy smoker then you get the bonus effect that these tiles hold your smoke for you to enjoy forever and ever.

  • If you like the cottage style with heavy beams on the ceiling , first put the styrofoam tiles, then the beams. Because you first need to break down the beams before you can ever replace the ceiling tiles....which will surely discourage you to ever do so.

  • Always stick the wallpaper directly on the plaster plates without painting them first: you'll never be able to separate them apart anymore. Always stick next layers of paper on the previous ones....pulling off paper is for losers.

  • First put the wallpaper, then tile the floors to ensure the bottom part of the paper is nicely cemented to the tiles.

  • Be creative with electricity...think literally out of the box by pulling a wire from a plug to dangle it further towards a self-created plug.

  • If there's only space for either a bathroom sink or a laundry washer, take the laundry washer. Sinks are overrated anyway.

  • If you need to drill some nails in the wall to attach e.g. a coat hanger, they are more firm if you drill them right through the wall. They can become a decorative ornament in the other room.

  • ....

In all honesty, I've never seen such a guide in reality but I've seen more than enough proof that it must exist.


Brian Miller said…
haha. a decorative ornament int he other

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