I'm on a diet

I'm on a diet since exactly 4 weeks.  Yep me...who states to everyone that I don't have new year's resolutions, that we should love ourselves and avoid pressure.  I've put myself on a diet. And I hate it.
(ok, that's a bit too strong)

So why a diet?

My BMI is perfectly fine and I don't feel selfconcious about my figure (even though my belly is not flat and reminds me I've been pregnant twice...so be it).  If I could freeze it as is, all would be fine. But that's the point: I don't seem to be able to freeze it as it is. I was on a steady weight gain since last June.

Another thing is that I'm prediabetic. (yep, just like Kathleen).  3 months after the birth of Beertje and my pregnancy diabetis, I had to get tested again following the regular procedure.  While pregnancy diabetes is sold to you as "as soon as the placenta has been released, you're pregnancy diabetes is over", my sugar levels weren't sufficiently good.
Similarly as Kathleen describes, the transition from close follow-up to very loose - figure it out yourself was confusing.  I got the message in the hospital that "my insuline processing was disturbed", that it was not diabetic and that they'd recommend a medication to my general practitioner  with a yearly check but he could choose as he wished to follow-up.

We agreed to a lower dosis of medication - probably life-long- but with 3 monthly blood tests to see the effect. That seemed fair.

I lost a lot of weight very quickly after giving birth to Beertje even though I was eating what I wanted and each time the blood tests were fine, so I started to forget that my "insuline processing was disturbed". One pill a day isn't a very big deal.

A year went by and I phoned my doctor again to get my test results. Another doctor picked up the phone first and looked and stated that my blood sugar levels were so low that I might get hypo's. She recommended  me to stop.  Later that day I got a hold of my own general practitioner and he claimed the same. I was so surprised because the acceptance of taking these pills for the rest of my life had already settled. We ended up with a compromise: I'd take half a pill a day and then test my blood again in 3 months.

The next month I realised I had gained a few kilo's but I blaimed our Florida vacation. But at the next blood check I had gained more kilo's again and I mentioned it casually. But I noticed the doctor picked it up. Despite my blood testing just fine, he didn't allow me to stop my medication anymore.

When I got my check in February, I had gained 6 kilo's in 8 months.... a trend that worried and frustrated me. I asked explicitly if my weight gain was the reason why I continued to take medication and he answered that my weight gain could be linked to min disrupted insuline processing. But we tested if there were any traces that my blood sugar levels would have peaked in the previous weeks and there were none.  I asked if I was prediabetic , as that is the word Kathleen uses but nobody had ever called my condition like that.  Prediabetic sounds way more threatening...it sounds like an evolution to come.

While the doctor seemed happy with the as is : BMI fine, blood tests fine...he did confirm my fear: if my weight gain continued, it might not stay ok.

And 2 years after my pregnancy diabetes, I all of a sudden freaked. And I put myself on a diet because clearly eating what I want, just makes me gain weight steadily.

Weight Watchters

Currently I'm on a year long subscription to WW and I'm dutifully logging all my meals.

I was very emotional and frustrated when I started.  I don't think I'm an emotional eater, but not being allowed to eat what I love when I want feels like an evil punishment and I'm afraid that I will never be able to eat them.

Of course there's lots of things I can eat, but I seem to focus on all the things that are not ok.  My croissants or sandwich at work that eats up "half of my WW budget", the avocado that does the same, my handfull of chips at 4 AM at work , ... I'm not hungry but I'm craving

My shopping list has changed drastically, I'm hamstering in vegetables and fish and I'm slowly getting some new routines. I've lost 2 kg in the first 20 days but I regained some weight in the last 10 days. Aaarghh.  I'm extrapolating how many weeks more it'll take until I've lost most of those kilo's and when I hope to losen the diet a bit to stabalize my weight.

Skip the diet, just eat healthy

It's an issue that I feel this so much as a diet. That I still feel it so strongly as a lot of good fun things that are forbidden, makes me worry that I'll start to jojo.  I can continue this 'diet' for another few months if I have too, no issue.   I just can't see it as a new way of eating and living (yet).  And that's what I need.  Pfff

It's not all bad though:
- I'm cooking more
- I'm no spending so much money on sandwiches at work anymore
- I'm trying to get more organised to pack healthy lunches in time


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